Reflection

2016 gave me a lot of ups, as well as some downs. But quite honestly, it’s one of the years that I’m most proud of. These are some of my most significant parts of this past year –

• Started college!
• Completed my first 3 terms of college with a 4.0
• Began at Portland DBT – one of the best decisions I’ve ever made
• Conquered my flight anxiety
• Stopped eating disorder behaviors for 3 months and counting!!
• Saw Demi Lovato live in concert for the first time
• Quit my job so that I could solely focus on my mental health and school
• Bought my first guitar!
• Conquered fear of roller coasters & Ferris wheels
• Went to my 1st baseball game
• Went to my 1st college football game
• Participated in my 1st NEDA walk
• Met Jenni Schaefer at the NEDA walk
• Got onto the committee for next year’s Portland NEDA walk
• Met Gnash & saw him live in concert
• Got to go trick or treating with my niece for the 1st time
• Voted in my 1st presidential election (unfortunate turnout though)
• My sister got engaged and has asked me to be a bridesmaid!
• I’ve made some amazing new friends, and while they’re new I already know they will be in my life for a very, very long time
• New Year’s Eve – getting a dog!!! So incredibly happy to have a dog again. Welcome to your new home, Bailey 🙂 I’ve only known you for a few hours but I’m already so in love with you!

The more challenging parts of this year have included my grandmother (who I’m very close to) getting moved into assisted living, and now hospice care. I’ve spent the last few months waking up every day wondering if today would be the day I got the dreaded call telling me that she had passed. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet. But it will sooner rather than later, and that’s been extremely difficult for me. Another very significant part of this year involved my relationship status. This is something I have been too sad and upset to tell many people, and certainly not something that I’ve posted anything about publicly. Partly because it’s my business and not the kind of thing I would post publicly about anyways. But I feel that since this blog is all about honestly telling my story that it wouldn’t be right to leave this part out. After slightly more than 3 years, my boyfriend and I broke up. I’m not going to go into details on here, because again, not something I need to tell the whole world about. But I’ve been battling so much denial around it, that I felt it would be good for me to at least briefly say that it did in fact happen, instead of trying to just keep it to myself.

These last 4 months have been some of the most difficult I’ve ever had to face in terms of constantly feeling emotionally drained. Between the breakup and my grandmother, those alone made refraining from eating disorder behaviors extremely difficult. But I found my strength, I realized I had worth, I realized if I always let difficult times make me engage in eating disorder behaviors that I would never make progress. I needed to find ways to deal with the hard times that didn’t involve my eating disorder, and somehow, someway, I’ve found a way to do that.

This year has taught me so much, and quite honestly I’ve never felt stronger or more stable in who I am as a person and in my recovery. I’m looking forward to seeing what this new year brings me, and everyone else. Of course part of me is terrified about what 2017 will bring because of the election results…but in terms of my mental health, and my personal goals, I’m excited to see where my journey continues to take me.

This is naturally my final post for 2016, but I promise to continue my blog in 2017! I honestly love blogging and I’m so pleased with the feedback I’ve gotten from it so far. Happy New Year to everyone!